It is tradition for each issue of The Reporter to include a segment called Unpacked in which the contents of a student’s bag are revealed and explained. For this orientation issue, the Hatter Network E-Board decided to take a slightly different route. We had a mission to clean out our overly cluttered office–which has frustratingly been a blackhole of forgotten items–instead of a shared common workspace–and in true writer’s fashion, we decided to document this grand event. Here are a few items from the impressive conglomeration of clutter we conquered.

Radio Equipment

“This is here because I took it for something and tried to put it back in the station, but my station access was revoked. But I had access to the Hatter Network office.” – Lane

“It’s okay. This place is a storage unit.” – Hayden

Paper Lanterns

Initially, these were used as decorations for the end-of-the-year banquet. Why did we keep them? Just in case we had to throw another one, I guess. Or maybe, the plan was to decorate the office with a bunch of golden lanterns. All I can tell you is that they were set in a box for the entirety of the summer and were promptly thrown out during the Great Decluttering of 2022. 

Enough Fake Flowers to Fill a Nursery

I cannot explain Hatter Network’s affinity for fake flowers, but I can tell you that the organization could open a flower shop. We promptly got rid of most of these. Only three remain.

A Hoarders Worth of Old Magazines

As the writers of the student magazine and student literary publication, it makes sense that our office is full of magazines. However, the sheer number of half-filled boxes is concerning. Does one office need that many magazines? No, the answer is no.

Suspiciously Unopened Bag of Halloween Candy

New snacks are bought every week for Uncouth. This gigantic value bag of name-brand candy seemed to have been overlooked and was left to suffer the fate of wasting away in the office, unopened and uneaten.

Random Stack of Paper Plates

We like to snack… 

A Singular Strand of Christmas Lights

This strand of lights has been unmoved from its designated spot in the office for as long as I have had access to it. I cannot tell you the origins of the fancy light fixture, but I can tell you that it remains unused to this day. Apparently, it is the holiday season all year long. 

Unicorn Paraphernalia

A few unicorn themed items were originally bought for our end of the year banquet photo booth. However, like many other things, they were left abandoned in the office once the party was over. Thankfully, said items did not go to waste but found a happy home with Dr. P’s young daughter.